HALLELUIAH!!! I AM RICH!!!!

HALLELUIAH!!! I AM RICH!!!!

Today, I received the following letter:

From: c i Reply-To: Subject: Dear GomezDate: Mon, 10 Sep 2007 08:43:24 +0000

Dear Gomez,

Mr. Charles Ishmeal, a Banker and accountant with the BIAO BANK Abidjan.
I am the personal accounts manager to Mr. Robert Gomez, a National of your country, who used to work with an oil servicing company here in Cote Ivoire.

My client, his wife, and their three children were involved in the Kenya Airways crash in the coasts of Abidjan in January 2000 in which all passengers on board died. Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but all my effort has not been successful. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the Internet,to see if I could locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.

Our deceased client (Mr.Robert Gomez) has an account valued to ($ 6 million US Dollars). The management of our bank have issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or the bank will declare the account unserviceable and thereby send the funds to the bank treasury.

Since I have not been successful in locating the relatives of the late Mr.Robert Gomez, I will seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased client since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account valued at ($ 6 million US dollars) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through.I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. In your reply, If you can handle this deal with me, reach me now through this e-mail box for more details. Anticipating your cooperation.

Sincerely,
Charles Ishmeal.

Thank God for the Internet and the hard work of Mr. Ishmeal. I am stunned. I have never been so happy to hear of someone death, much less of an unknown relative. God Bless Them!!! The Lord does work in misterious ways.

I haven't decided what to do with my inheritance, but I must reply to Mr. Ishmeal at once.

Dear Ishmeal,

You have affected me with sudden and great wonder news of my long lost relative timely death. I need the money. It was good that they all died together, lets hustle for you and me, don't you think? By the way, there are no more relatives, you may stop looking for them.

Six million dollars, eh? Hey you have done a great service by locating me, therefore, I think we should split the loot 50/50 if it is agreeable with you.

You can count on my honest cooperation just as much as I can count on yours. I am sure you will do your best to execute it under the most illegimate arrangements the law allows it. Please feel free to contact my lawyer, Barrister Mohamed Ibrahim, of Victory Chambers who will grease the path with all the official documents needed.

Anticipating the money.

Sincerely,
Dear Gomez.

As I was writing the letter, I thought about the money and the things that I could do with it. I decided I will give it all to the wonderful work of the Televangelists, I love their lifestyle and besides I hope they put a good word with the Lord about Mr. Ishmeal and me.

Who is on first, what is on sec... Where am I????

Breaking News. President Bush traveled out of this world without his medicines.
Congressional investigation pending. “Much ado about nothin’!!!” Fox Noise Networks claims.

In a televised speech in Australia, President Bush seemed to be very thankful to the Australian Prime minister John Howard “for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit” and for the service his “Austrian troops” provide in Iraq. Unfortunately, his medicines were at home, and he did not realized that Australia was hosting the Asian-Pacific Economic Co-operation (APEC) forum, and that the Australian Prime Minister have no authority over the Austrian troops (which may, or may not have been in Iraq at all, but that is besides the point). In a true Mr. Magoo moment, according to CBCNEWS, “He [Bush] strode away from the lectern on a path that would have sent him over a steep drop. Howard and others redirected him to centre stage [HOW UNFORTUNATE, I THINK], where there were steps leading down to the floor of the theatre.”

Earlier during his visit, according to the Sydney Morning Herald of Australia, the president gave a more-to-the-point assessment of Iraq to Australia Deputy Prime Minister Mark Vaile (or to whom Bush refers as “what is his name Deputy Minister”). “We are kicking ass” Bush said to what-is-his-name after he was asked about his trip to Iraq. White House Spokeswoman Dana Perino would not confirm or deny the comment, but noted the President’s correct usage of the English language, “He said ‘We ARE kicking ass’ NOT ‘We IS kicking ass’ as some anti-American news organizations would make you believe”. I say bravo to Dana Perino.

In other Developments, Britney Spears is opening a day-care center for the rich. Dan Quayle and President Bush will confront each other on National Television to debate the English language. Gustavo will take a much needed nap.

Seas Yield Surprising Catch of Unknown Genes
By Rick Weiss
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, March 14, 2007; Page A01

It took some mighty fine nets, but scientists who spent two years trawling the world's oceans for bacteria and viruses have completed the most thorough census ever of marine microbial life, revealing an astonishingly diverse and bizarre microscopic menagerie.



Countering a long-held assumption that ocean waters are not rich with microbial life, the new report, released yesterday, reveals an otherworldly world of organismal ferment, including thousands of low life forms that could help destroy the development of new antibiotics and alternative energy sources and obfuscate the ocean's role in climate change.

OK. So I took the liberty to change a couple of words and insert a picture of the organisms, but I think Mr. Weiss will approve of them.

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE, SURPRISE. Sunday, two days before the midterm election in the US, an expected verdict - and possible death sentence - in the trial of Saddam Hussein.

SURPRISE, SURPRISE. U.S. and Iraqi officials have denied that the timing is related to the midterm U.S. elections taking place Tuesday.

IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR NEXT SURPRISE TO BE RUINED, SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH:
Surprise, surprise! On Sunday they will announce a guilty verdict and Saddam will be sentenced to death. The U.S. media will tell us, until the elections are over, what a great victory it is for Bush. Every minute of every hour GOP pundits will tell us how safer the world will be without Saddam, as if he was the most dangerous terrorist.

What is surprising, to me, is how we ignore that Hussein had nothing to do with the 9/11 attack, that the people we should be pursuing are in a different country, and how we ignore the fact that this administration, which claims to be so concerned with our safety, have inflicted damage on our civil liberties while publishing on the internet a detail guide on how to build an atomic bomb.

So, should Wednesday's news be surprising? "GOP Maintain Control On Both Houses". No. But I sure hope I am wrong.

Deja Vu All Over Again!

"This is like deja vu all over again" - Yogi Berra.

The sleazy politicians find what they consider to be a weak point in the behaviour or speech of their opponents and exploit it. It does not matter how innocuous the act or remark might be, they will turn it around, give it a complete different meaning, and run with it. They find simpathetic newsmen, radio and TV pundits, and publicize the hell out of it. Suddenly, the real context of the act is forgotten and the buzz around the news is the disreputable and shoddy attacks.

This is the case with John Kerry and the Bush terrorists. During the presidential elections they manage to damage the reputation of a decorated veteran and elevate a drunkard, yellow bellie, AWOL soldier (and I am sorry for disrespecting the word "soldier"), to the highest office of the land. They are at it again.

In a recent speech to college students, Kerry meant to say: "Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up us getting stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush". Unfortunately, the word "us" was left out and that was the weak point that the sleazy politicians needed to exploit. News media ran all the way with it, and in the way they dropped the second part, so it bacame: "Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting stuck in a war in Iraq". Every single one of them knew the meaning that Kerry was trying to convey, and yet, they twisted it to mean Kerry was showing disrespect for the troops by insinuating the soldiers were not smart.

The swift boats all over again. Lets just hope American people are wiser. For a more eloquent article please click here. I highly recommend viewing "Countdown With Keith Olberman" on MSNBC on weeknights.

Semantic Memory

“What we have here is a failure to communicate” said the captain to Cool Hand Luke.

El Presidente and his bandoleros are annoyed at everyone who is misinterpreting his mantra “Stay the course”. Apparently, “Stay the course” does not necessarily mean, well, “Stay the course”. According to El Presidente it means “Keep doing what you are doing. Don’t do what you are doing if it is not working – change!”, in other words, it means “Stay the course” or Change – take your pick. El Presidente is showing his flexibility and adaptability when it comes to his policies in Iraq, why can’t people see that?

“A dunk in the water is a dunk in the water” said El Presidente front man when asked about the remarks made by El Presidente’s second in command, El Diablo. In a radio interview, Scott Hennen of WDAY in Fargo, N.D., asked El Diablo on Tuesday, "Would you agree a dunk in water is a no-brainer if it can save lives?”. Without hesitation El Diablo responded: "Well, it's a no-brainer for me". So why are the detractors of El Presidente, El Diablo, and his bandoleros up in arms? El Diablo didn’t mean torture waterboarding techniques, Ay! Dios Santos Perdonanos! – we don’t torture. El Diablo was referring to clean fun games such as bobbing for apples, and a friendly dunking game at the local pool with your friends – in this case the enemy combatants and their interrogators.

Maybe what we have here is an impaired semantic memory.

The Blame Game and the Enabler

Well, it is going to be a very difficult day for me today; my wife had to go to work very early and did not have time to prepare coffee and breakfast for me this morning. I hate days that start this way, usually it leads to not having lunch because my wife have to work during those hours so she does not have time to come home and prepare me something to eat. No doubt dinner will be delayed too, I am sure she will be coming home tired and would want to rest before cleaning last night dishes and preparing a nice dinner, but I suppose being patient with her is the least that I could do. I better call her before I forget and ask her to stop by the fish market, I feel like eating lobster, and the wine store, I don’t think the bottle I just opened is going to last all day.

It is not my fault that I am so lazy. I was abused when I was a child and an alcoholic all my life. I remember seeing my mother’s breast before I was one year old. I went swimming naked at a water-hole in my grand-fathers ranch with my older brothers, cousins, and uncles and I am sure I must have seen my father naked otherwise how could I be abused? The local priest, father Avila, patted my head and hugged my shoulders when he came to visit our family home, little did I know that he was sexually abusing me when he did that. Of course, by the time I reached the age of 7, all that abuse led me into drinking beer during school recess. I became popular with my teachers, when I reached the fifth grade we were polishing a fifth of tequila on Friday after school at Mrs. Villa’s home – she was a lonely old widow but a very good teacher on matters not usually part of the school curriculum.

But now I am in the process of recovery. I have realized my state of laziness was not caused by me but by forces outside my control. I have asked my friends and family for understanding, to forgive me if I don’t get up when I ask them to do something for me – pass me a beer and chips, the TV-guide, etc. I have found the Lord our Creator and speak with him on a daily basis. He is showing me the way of redemption, all I have to do is ask him for forgiveness before I die so I don’t have to do it every Sunday like most of my Christian friends do. I have a cousin that is born-again Christian and constantly preaches the rapture and how the Lord will take the chosen ones and leave the others behind, so I asked the Lord about it. “Trust me” He said “I will be taking you with me soon enough and leave your young cousin and a lot of other people behind”. With that I feel at peace.